I can’t really explain what happened the other night. Same routine as any other night. At the stroke of five, I shut down my computer, grabbed my bag and bolted for the door. I had a dressage lesson to get to and rush hour traffic to contend with. Nothing unusual right? Uh, wrong. Apparently my brain shut down too. Well, okay, maybe I had one teeny tiny cell on somewhere but it wasn’t enough. Nothing was getting through.

In a blink of an eye, I had gone from aspiring dressage rider to major dunderhead that sucks a lot. Seriously.

I was mentally incapable of doing anything. My trainer became frustrated. I became frustrated, then despondent and before I knew it tears were threatening to spill. Tears. Utterly ridiculous but my lack of success was getting to me and I sucked. A lot.

Sit! Sit down! Sit!
I am sitting. Oh my God, I still can’t sit.

You’re falling forward again.
Argh! I hate my body…leaning back

You’re still tipping forward!
Sigh, I really hate my body and I can’t do this.

Lean back!
I’ll never be able to ride.

Lean back and stop giving away the right rein!
Argh! I suck! I can’t do this.

She’s dead to the leg.
Great my suckiness has ruined the horse.

Stand and turn the horse’s neck to the right. (4x)
Easy right? Nope. I interpret it as flex the neck right.

So, what did I do? I gave up. I finally accepted that it just wasn’t going to happen. Then some amazing things happened. I felt my muscles relax and I was breathing again. Then the horse came through and rounded. Wouldn’t you know it. I give up and good stuff happens.

“When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I . . .”

—Coldplay, Fix You